Harris was reading the card they had picked up with their name badges at the Speed Dating reception. It made him hate humanity.
LOOKING FOR MR/S RIGHT? OR EVEN MR/S RIGHT NOW??!!!
Speed dating is a totally radical way to meet people in your local area!!
Simply come down to the many local venues holding the event, pay the small entrance fee and prepare to be swept off your feet by up to 10 different men/women!!
All you need to do is place a cross in the box of the ones you feel you have that ‘special’ connection with and your dates will do the same. We’ll let you know any matches you get and then the world is your Oyster!!!
Speed dating is perfect for people with a lifestyle too busy for normal ‘social’ dating or for people simply trying to get back in the game!!
We guarantee you will not be disappointed. Speed dating ensures you meet a wide variety of people so someone is bound to take your fancy!!!!!
So Come On What Are You Waiting For? Join The 21st Century. Join Speed Dating!!!!!!!!!
Terms and conditions apply. The management reserve the right to give no refunds to anyone who is ugly/fat/mentally ill or simply a bit weird
We cannot guarantee that anyone will actually like you.
No piece of writing is exciting enough to warrant that many question marks Harris thought. He grabbed his complimentary glass of fizz and began to hunt out Jake who he found circling the room in a rather weird fashion.
‘I don’t understand Jake, Are you just supposed to walk up to people and start talking to them? Surely all dates are like this? I think we’ve been ripped off.’
‘I don’t think it’s actually begun yet Harris. They’re setting up over there with the tables. Damn it she isn’t here. This must be the wrong speed dating. Let’s just go.’
‘Who isn’t here? Hang on, I’ve just paid a fiver, no, a tenner seeing as I had to pay for you as well. At least let me finish my Champagne
‘Fine, you can have mine as well. And it’s Lambrussco, not Champagne
Just then a bell rang and a small young Brunette girl in a tight top and short skirt ushered all the men into the small circle of desks round chairs. It took a while for Jake and Harris to work out what was going on. Jake was sat opposite a Korean looking girl with glasses and pigtails. She looked incredibly keen for him to talk to her but he was unsure what the etiquette was. To be honest the Manic Pixie wasn’t here so he just wanted to get out.
‘Err, how long do these things usually last for?’
‘Two minutes, Mr err Jake.’
‘Stunner, Jake Stunner. Two minutes, I can do two minutes. Do you mind if I write on my shopping list?
‘Your shopping list?’
Jake got out the loo roll and made a new note. FIND SOME WEED. He had two minutes to kill and really didn’t want to talk to Astral or what ever her name said in the messy smudge on her label so he just did pretend writing on the loo roll.
Harris was sitting opposite a very attractive half cast girl. She had a frizzy ponytail and a beautiful smile. Harris had always considered himself to be a ladies man so thought if he’d paid a tenner he was going to get his monies worth.
‘Hi I’m Ryan.’
‘Hi, I’m Angelina’
‘And what do you do Angelina?’
‘I’m a waitress, how about you?’
‘I’m sort of an entrepreneur. My father invented laser quest back in the early eighties so I’ve used my inherited wealth to invest in space travel. And in my spare time I’m a stuntman.
And so it went on. Harris managed to secure a date for every night of next week. Jake managed to make 3 girls cry and two walk out. He just wanted to get to the end so he could leave and find the Pixie and some marijuana. He breathed a sigh of relief when he got to the last girl, plonked himself down on the chair with no real effort and lit up a cigarette. He suddenly noticed she wasn’t saying anything so he looked up. She wasn’t even looking at him, more on the floor slightly to his right. He looked at her nametag. ‘Susan’. God this is going to be a fun two minutes he thought.
‘Hello Susan’
‘Hi’
Normally Jake would of loved to just sit in silence for 2 minutes and then be out the door but the fact she wouldn’t look at him was bugging him slightly (he had also been getting more agitated by the giggling coming from each of Harris’ tables whilst his tables yawned, slapped and cried.)
‘Err, why aren’t you looking at me Susan? Have I done something to offend you?’
‘I have a problem with eye contact is all’
‘Excellent. I have a problem with drink, drugs and impulsiveness. You know what I say about problems?’ Susan looked up slightly.
‘What’?
‘Fuck em. Everybody’s got them. Just because some peoples are more visible it doesn’t mean the rest of the population are ‘normal’. Susan smiled slightly and Jake sat back in his chair then nearly fell out of it when she spoke again.
‘You ever feel like you’re the main actor in the movie of your life Jake? Wouldn’t you like to be the director instead?’
‘What did you say?’ She was looking just off him now and Jake noticed she was much prettier than she acted. Big blue eyes, wavy brown hair and dimples on each side of her mouth.
‘Susan, I think you should come with me, well with us.’
‘But I haven’t met him yet’
‘Who?’
‘The man I’m waiting for’
‘Well come with us and I’ll help you find him, ok?’
‘Ok’. Jake was already up as the bell rang. He got Susan’s coat for her and began to usher her towards the door. He wasn’t too sure what the connection was between her and the man in the toilet but he felt it was all terribly important and related to him somehow which meant this was definitely not kidnapping. Harris brushed past him suddenly.
‘Run’
‘I thought you said you should only run if you’re being chased by something that wants to either…’
‘These girls want to do both’. Harris ran down the stairs and straight out of the pub as the large percentage of female patrons of ‘The Star Inn Weekly Speed Dating night’ chased after him. Jake and Susan followed behind. He waited until Harris texted his location and met him on the old castle grounds about half a mile away.
‘Managed to outrun them’ Harris chuckled before casting eyes on Susan.
‘Who’s she?’
‘She’s with us. Don’t worry if she doesn’t look at you, I think she’s got PDD-NOS.’
‘But she’s looking straight at me’. Jake looked at Susan. She was staring into Harris’ eyes with a fierce intensity, a huge smile across her face.
‘Hello Ryan Harris’
‘How do you know my name?’
‘I’ve met you in my dreams. Would you like me to take you where we have to go next? Where’s the shopping list?’
‘
No comments:
Post a Comment