Chapter Two

Ryan Harris was having a good day. It had started off well when he had woken up on time for the first time in six months and had subsequently not been late for work. ‘Clearly the key to being on time is to not get absolutely hammered the night before’ he thought to himself before deciding he was going to get doubly drunk tonight to make up for the previous evenings abstinence. The day had got even better when he realised he had time to have a proper breakfast rather than just eat a Rivita as he ran for the train like most days meaning he was starving a good 2 hours before lunch and again about 2 hours afterwards. No, today he had managed to have coffee, juice and a bacon, sausage and egg bagel whilst reading the morning papers. He felt incredibly refreshed and on his leisurely stroll into work he stopped off at the cornershop in order to buy a scratch card. He ground away at the silvery wall before smiling to himself when it was revealed he had won £50. This day was getting better all the time.

He arrived at work to find he was on guard duty as opposed to just standing by the barriers and hopped on the next train to Portsmouth. Apparently Gina the new ticket woman was on the train as well so he decided that he wouldn’t just have a nap in the front carriage as normal and instead began to make his way down the carriages in the hope of seeing her for an early morning flirt. He definitely enjoyed the trains more in the mornings. People were always in such better moods before their McJobs ground them into their daily depression. He began to indulge in his favourite hobby of looking at the various magazines and books people were reading and working out what this said about them. ‘Financial Times. Wanker. Daily Mail. Extreme Wanker. Maxim magazine. No shame. The Sun. Builder. To Kill a Mocking Bird. Intelligent and thoughtful. A Tale of Two Cities. Trying to appear intelligent and thoughtful. The train pulled into Woking. Next stop Guildford. Harris smiled to himself as he pictured the place he grew up but had now thankfully departed. He had always thought of himself as being a big fish in a small pond and had escaped his childhood home as soon as was humanly possible. He was a Londonite now and one day he might be a manager for British Rail. He missed his old friends of course but he knew they would all still be in the same town and he had no overwhelming desire to return there in a hurry.

Harris checked his phone. No signal as was typical for this part of the track. He had got to the middle of the train now so he collected the refreshments cart and started making his long way through the next set of carriages shouting as he went. ‘Any food or drinks? Any food or drinks?’ He passed the toilet and heard the familiar squirming and commotion inside. When he had first got the job he always thought it might be a couple getting frisky but now he knew that it would just be about six teenagers hiding in there so they didn’t have to pay their fare. Then he saw her. Gina. She was leaning up against the door idly flicking her long red hair. Harris began to do his own hair in the reflection of the carts kettle. He swept his long blonde mane over his ears so she could see his full face and began to approach her wondering what line he would use. ‘Nice weather. Look I’m not hungover! I want to make passionate love to any part of your body that you will let me near.’ Luckily at that point he was saved any embarrassment as his day quickly went from amazing to completely terrible in the space of 3 seconds.

Jake was going so quickly through the carriage that Harris did not realise who he was before he was on top of him. In fact he assumed he was a terrorist or worse, someone after the contents of the refreshment trolley. Well Harris was not going to stand for that. Especially with Gina and the entire carriage now giving him their full attention (except the people on their mp3 players who were naturally oblivious.) Harris swung his fist into the side of Jakes neck sending him crashing onto the floor and braced himself to punch him again when he got back to his feet. However the man he just hit seemed content to be on the floor and merely put his hand into the cart and pulled out a mini bottle of wine which he proceeded to open and swig. Harris was unsure how to react to this. He had obviously won the fight already and yet he was still being robbed of his carts precious vino. Then it clicked. This fellow clearly didn’t play a fair game and Harris only knew one person with the audacity to steal booze from someone who had just knocked them to the deck.

‘What are you doing here Jake?’ he asked wearily.

Jake got to his feet; one hand on his neck the other clutching the nearly empty wine bottle.

‘There’s no time to explain Harris. We need to alight at the next stop; and I need to procure some trousers.’

‘What are you talking about! I can’t go anywhere with you, I’m working. And why do you smell so strongly of urine?

‘Look Harris’ Jake was becoming exasperated. Clearly Harris did not know the urgency with which he had to put his plan into action. It was nearly 2 o’clock and all he had achieved was a small glass of wine and a bruised neck. He still did not have his shopping list and by the time he had written it at this rate the shops would be shut. He hadn’t even had lunch yet. He breathed deeply and attempted to explain everything to the puzzled and embarrassed looking Harris as quickly as possible.

‘LookIneedtomakeashoppinglistsoicangetthemanicpixiebackandgetonwithmylifetoadegreeofsomesortofsuccess. Ican’tdoitonmyownsoiwashopingyouwouldhelpmeforoldtimessake’.

‘What?’

‘Are you in or out Harris?!’

‘I can’t just leave work in the middle of a shift Jake!’

Jake looked around in desperation before catching sight of Gina.

‘Excuse me! You work here don’t you?

‘Well yes I…’

‘And you know my friend Harris don’t you?

‘Well I’ve only been here a coupl…

‘Quite attractive isn’t he?

‘Jake!’ Harris began.

‘I suppose so I..

‘Well err Gina’ he read off her name tag.

‘If you would be so willing as to cover for our mutual friend Harris here for a few hours then in return he will take you out on a date to a 3 star restaurant followed by the theatre production of your choice. Do you like the theatre Gina?’

‘I’d quite like to see the Lion King musical’

‘An excellent choice Gina. Harris will pick you up on Thursday at 7.30pm. Thank you so much for your co-operation. All of you’. Jake addressed the whole carriage before opening the train doors and yanking Ryan Harris so hard that they fell out onto the platform of Guildford station and Harris knocked his head against the stairs leading out. He scarcely had time to curse however before Jake was picking him up by the scruff of the neck and dragging him down the corridor.

‘If I get fired it will be entirely your fault Jake. Where are we going?’

‘Firstly to get me some trousers with a slightly more pleasant odour than the ones I currently inhabit. Secondly the pub. We need beer and food before cracking on with the main job in hand of changing our lives forever for the better.’